Don't Use the "D" Word

Last night as we were talking, my lovely bride told me about two encounters she had during her day. The first was a man who had been speaking ill of his wife. Fortunately, my bride didn't share any details, but it was clear the comments upset her.

The second encounter was on Facebook, where a different man said, "Sometimes being with her is just so hard, I often feel it isn't worth it."

As I sat thinking about those encounters later, I thanked God my lovely bride and I had made a pact, long ago, to do two things:

1. Private matters stay private ... they don't go outside of our home (the exception is when we share with our accountability partner to see what our part of the situation is and how it should be addressed.)

2. We will never, ever, use the "D" word.

The obvious "D" word to which I am referring is divorce. At no point in our 13 years together have we ever uttered that word to each other, to another friend, or even in our own minds. It is off limits! So is anything similar, like, "I'm leaving you" or "I can't do this any longer, I'm walking out."

Giving yourself no out, ensures that you won't be looking for one.

If we hadn't closed that door the day we married, if the "D" word had ever been an option, trust me, at some point or another over the past 13 years one of us would have taken it. It has been difficult at times, but then what relationship isn't?

But more than the big "D" word, we also choose not to use other "D" words.

Dumb.
Dopey.
Dork.
Dingbat.
Dumba**.
Dweeb.
Dense.
Dim-whit.
Dunderheaded.
Dumbsh**.

You see, the words you use paint a picture. And I don't want my bride to paint me as any of these. Obviously, there are other similar words that don't start with "D" I could have also listed, and those words are off limits as well. They simply didn't work with the topic today.

Colossians 4:6 says it best, "Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out." (The Message)

Words repeated became actions and habits.

You don't like the way your spouse reacts? Use positive, growth inducing words repeatedly to mold them into the positive person you desire.

There is a difference between growing them into a great person with words and simply nagging, however. You have to understand the difference.

The old adage, "fake it until you make it" rings true here. You might not believe the words you are saying today, you might not see your spouse the way you are describing them, but give it time. Eventually you will see them, and they will see themselves, in the positive way you speak about them.

It's true, you can't change a person. But you can love them into being a better person. I'm not sure, I haven't done the research, but I think that as we speak positive truth into a person, it really isn't them changing, it is our perception of them that changes. So in the end, we really haven't changed someone, we have changed ourselves.

After all, my perception is my reality.

So I urge you all, don't use the "D" word.

Leave a comment below and let me know what other "D" words I missed in my list above. And then also share what "D" words you need to delete from your vocabulary today.