Are You Where God Wants You to Be?

I've been struggling with something for the past several weeks: "Am I where God wants me to be?" Most specifically, are my current career choice and my vocational goals in line with God's plan for my life.

Many may think I'm being too religious here ... does God really care how I pay my bills as long as I am in a legal, moral, and ethical position? I believe He does. I have a friend at church who I've had the "macro vs. micro" God conversation; does God delve into each and every part of our lives (micro God) or simply step in during the big moments (macro God). I believe that as a friend, God desires to be micro God, but as free-willed individuals we often relegate Him to macro God.

So you may believe I am placing too much at the feet of my God when I wonder if my current career choices are where He desires me to be, but I believe my thought processes are "spot dead on."

I've known for years my calling is to help the local church. I've simply struggled against the call because of personal financial goals. I want to be debt free (something Kelly and I continue to strive to achieve), I want to have a "safe" retirement portfolio (something nobody can seem to define in today's economic reality), I want to have a house, a boat, another motorcycle (Kelly is tired of riding on mine and wants her own -- or so I tell myself). I want the two week family vacation at the beach condo (rented, I don't need to own it), I want to be able to go out to a great restaurant simply because the urge comes along.

Yet experience tells me that people working in full-time church vocation don't tend to have those things; not those who can stand up to a 20/20 or 60 Minutes telecast, that is. So I've struggled through everyday life, chasing the almighty dollar at work, knowing I was not following the passion God had placed in my heart.

Until a year ago, when Kelly and I sold the Allstate agency and I began to contract for tech installations in churches. It went well the first several months, while I wasn't constantly working, I earned enough to keep the household afloat (when combined with Kelly's income). But lately, things have not gone so well. The company that was able to keep me working several projects in 2008 has not had sufficient work to keep me going so far in 2009. Money has dwindled and bills are going to pile up if I don't find income soon.

So I've been struggling with "where does faith in 'God will provide' intersect with 'I need to pay my mortgage'?"

While I still struggle to find the answer, I want to share the following I received from some friends today ...

A few questions to ponder as you are discerning:

1) Do you have a peace about where you are heading?

2) Does it line up with God's word? God definitely won't be leading you to something that does not align with His word!

3) Does it align with how God has uniquely shaped and wired you (your passions, talents, gifts, life roles, etc.)?

4) STOP doubting and trust that "still small voice."

5) Are you "abiding?" (John 15:5)

6) Is there fruit? If you make it your business to abide, there will be fruit (although not all fruit is visible).

7) Are there any confirmations?

8) Would your steps "bring glory to God?"

9) Could you be in a "waiting place" where character is being developed, or where you should focus on some learning before your next step?

10) Are your steps "surrendered?" i.e. If they don't go how you plan, what will your reaction be?

I hope my struggle to understand where God is leading in my life, and the questions my friends Kelly T. and Rosalie G. have offered will help you with some quandary you face in your life today. Remember, Lisa Hammond says "the most important thing you will ever do is become who you were meant to be."

Finally Home

Yesterday I was introduced to a new song, "Finally Home" by Mercy Me. A friend has been posting the first lines of the second chorus as his facebook status for the past few days, and I asked him where the line originated. He provided me with a link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EkI0WE4Aps) to the Mercy Me video.

"Then I'll gaze upon the throne of the King, frozen in my steps, and all the questions that I swore I would ask; words just won't come."

It hit me at that moment, like a ton of bricks, as we stare into the face of God, everything that has come before won't matter. Questions like I've posted here on this blog, questions like I'm asking in my newest book "18 Inches," all will be wiped away as we stand frozen in our steps.

"God is God and I am not," Steven Curtis Chapman wrote. This is something I struggle with daily in my life as I journey towards the 10:10 promise. I want to be in control. I want to be the boss. I want things to work out to my benefit. Don't you?

Yet when they don't, we don't blame ourselves. We blame God. We took the reigns away from Him, and then have the audacity to blame Him when we wreck.

Most intriguing to me is we then say, "I'm going to ask God why ________" (fill in your own blank here). But on that day we won't ask "Why did bad things happen to good people? Why did you take my baby? Why did you allow so much pain and suffering?"

Mercy Me brings new reality with "Finally Home." Standing in the throne room of God, no questions will be asked, words will fail us as surly as our steps will falter and we fall to our knees (Romans 14:11).

This could be a sad song, a song of torment, standing speechless before God in anguish over the sins we have committed as He reads to us from "The Book." Isn't that how many people see God? Judge, jury, and executioner. God sitting on His throne, writing down each sin we commit, holding us accountable on "Judgment Day?" (Matthew 12:36)

Fortunately, Mercy Me wrote about a homecoming. Going back to verse one we hear, "I'm going to wrap my arms around my daddy's neck and tell him that I've missed him, and tell him all about the man that I became, and hope that it pleased him. There's so much I want to say, there's so much I want you to know."

Yes, we will stand before God speechless, how could we not, mere mortal standing in the presence of our creator, God. But our speechlessness will not be fear of judgment for those who have followed God, it will be awe. Awe that He loved us enough to send His very own son to restore the relationship He created in Eden. Awe that He wants us to live eternity with Him. Awe that He wants to hear about the man (or woman) I've become, and to celebrate that with me.

Finally Home. Can't you imagine it now?

Living in Community

I recently joined facebook. I'd heard about this social networking phenomenon from friends, but never really thought much about it. The night I joined, I was warned by people accepting my "friend requests" I should watch out, facebook can be addictive. I didn't pay much attention to those warnings, I've been online in one form or another since 1995 (yes, I was an early Internet adopter ... even learning HTML in 1994), so another forum wouldn't change my life that much. Would it?

What I didn't realize, what I couldn't realize until I joined facebook was how starved people are for community. I have "friends" on facebook who post their status almost hourly. It appears they can't survive the day without letting everyone know what they are doing.

I have other friends that I don't believe have posted a status change since I joined nearly six weeks ago.

The interesting thing to me, is how much people share. This is a relative safe place, if you've set your account up properly, only your friends can see what you write. Yet there are options where friends of friends can also see. So, assuming social networking theory is correct (only six steps are required to move from any person in the world to any other person in the world), there are a lot of people who could read about your life.

I have friends who post about illnesses, both personal and family. I have friends who post travel schedules. I have friends who post their thoughts. One friend recently became engaged, another recently left a relationship.

The most interesting posts (one I also have been known to do) is the dinner post. I often see people going for sushi, baking bread, cooking some great meal. There are friends who then post recipes when requested and those that simply post them, regardless of having been asked. I often have friends comment about what I've shared we are eating, sometimes having them boldly ask when they can come over to share the meal with us.

Beyond status updates, people share pictures, and some post strings like: "25 Random Things," or "The Bucket List," the "BBC Book List," or "I've Seen ... of 239 Films," and even "Senior Year of High School."

Some people are creative, some are funny, some are simply lonely and looking for community. It truly has been eye opening. In this modern world, where we are only six degrees of separation from anyone, we have to go online to find community.

I guess that is why the new Dentyne chewing gum "Make Face Time" advertisement is so appealing to me (the Youtube video of this commercial is linked to the title of this post). If you want community, true community, you have to make time. Sitting alone on your couch, in your office, or in the airport keying your status into your laptop, blackberry, or cell phone is a cheap substitute for true face time.

Get off the couch and go outside. Spring is teasing, so it should be easier. Find the time (I know, who has time) and make some friends; flesh and blood, right there with you friends. It may get hard, relationships come with all kinds of issues, but you will ultimately be grateful to have people with whom you are sharing your life.

I know I have some new friends, my small group that started in October, and we are grateful three other couples have joined the friendship journey with us. Where will your next "friend request accepted" be found? I hope not inside a computer.

God Doesn't Know Who I Am?

"God doesn't know who I am." This frightful sentence was uttered on the February 12, 2009 episode of Grey's Anatomy. Dr. Addison Montgomery was in the chapel, desiring to pray for her very sick brother, but felt inadequate and incapable of prayer. "We only go to church on Christmas," she uttered. "God doesn't know who I am."

It could have been a terrific cinematic moment, even if it was only shot for the small screen. This vulnerable time in a great doctor's life could have been used to show just how much God cares. But then this is Hollywood, and if you've read some of my previous posts, you know how little regard I hold for finding God in Hollywood.

Dr. Callie Torres was with Addison, got on her knees, and said a little prayer about her love life, her lesbian love life, much to the delight and dismay of Dr. Montgomery.

When Dr. Torres got off her knees she said, "You're an amazing doctor, you save babies. God knows who you are."

Isn't that the quintessential Hollywood or human response to God? God knows me because of who I am and what I do. Stop to think about it, don't we relate to each other based on who we are and what we do? Isn't the initial instinct of each person walking into a room to size up everyone and determine where we fit in with this group? Don't we all want to ask, within seconds of meeting someone new, "What do you do?"

Why would we consider God any differently? Isn't He simply "one of us?" Isn't He to be treated just like one of the guys?

Yes, and no. God wants to be our friend, He wants to be in relationship with us. But He is more than "just one of the guys." He is THE guy.

We read in scripture God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14, Deuteronomy 4:24). He alone should be the object of our worship and desire. He alone deserves our praise.

Yet we try to place ourselves on a pedestal, only turning to God when things go wrong. That is where Addison found herself. She would not have gone to the hospital chapel, never have thought to turn to God, had her brother not been about to die. Without this tragedy in her life, Dr. Montgomery would have continued to believe she was the source of her strength.

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God - you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration - what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day."
Psalm 139:13-16, The Message

Oh yes Addison Montgomery, God knows you. Not because of who you are or what you've done. God knows you because He made you.

"Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are." That is the message I would have sent to Addison. Just say what's on your heart, God will listen because that's who He is.

Darwin or Lincoln?

Today, February 12, 2009 is the 200th anniversary of two historical men's birth. Both Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln were born on this date 200 years ago. Both men have had a significant impact on history, one creating a new religion, calling it science, and one allowing a nation to be torn apart knowing it was the only way to ultimately ensure "that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure." So how does Google, perhaps one of the iconic businesses of that nation celebrate today? They change their logo in honor of Darwin, not Lincoln. Google may not realize it was the efforts of Abraham Lincoln and each and every American to come since that has ensured their success. It is the liberties they enjoy in this great nation, the opportunities that only America can provide that have given them the incredible growth they have experienced. Larry Page and Sergey Brin, you may believe Darwin is a hero, many do. But on this day, February 12, 2009, the hero you should be celebrating is not the man who has brainwashed a world into thinking he created science when he only created a new religion. You should honor and celebrate the man who saved the great nation that provided you the opportunity to become two of the first billionaires of the Internet economy.

Product of My Generation?

I used to think my generation did not have that one great "where were you when?" moment. Now I know we don't. We have far too many.

My great-grandparents remember where they were when Wall Street crashed, my grandparents can remember where they were when Pearl Harbor was bombed, my parents remember where they were when President Kennedy was shot. My generation can remember:

1. Where I was when a President resigned in disgrace.
2. Where I was when our entire nation was held hostage for 444 days along with 52 of our diplomats in Iran.
3. Where I was when President Reagan was shot.
4. Where I was when the Marines were bombed in Lebanon.
5. Where I was when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded on national television.
6. Where I was on "Black Monday" and the job I lost because of this stock market "adjustment."
7. Where I was when the Berlin Wall fell.
8. Where I was when the US started "Shock and Awe" against the Iraqi nation.
9. Where I was when a President was Impeached.
10. Where I was when a 0.009% margin determined a Presidential election.
11. Where I was when terrorists used planes as bombs and missiles against our nation.
12. Where I was when the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated on national television.
13. Where I was when the United States once again invaded Iraq.
14. Where I was when the first African-American President was elected.

It is no wonder our generation has difficulty finding an identity. We have so many from which to choose. We were the product of a generation that questioned everything, and so did we. We became the "Me" generation, pursuing everything, no matter the cost.

We lived fast lives, drove fast cars, ran with fast women, and our drugs were designed to speed us up, not mellow us out like those of our parents. Our anthem was "Life in the Fast Lane," and we did whatever it took to stay there.

We created "Dot Com" companies based on nothing but a dream, and made millions, sometimes billions, of dollars. We bought water in a bottle and just listening to music wasn't enough, we needed to see it on TV.

My generation didn't have a "great evil" to fight. We were not faced with Fascism or Communism as enemies. Our enemies are terrorists who use human shields and send children and pregnant women strapped with bombs into our midst. There is no longer the "honor" of men facing each other on the battlefield. Now every person, every place is a potential target. We fight an "unseen" enemy who is willing to break every rule of engagement simply to annihilate our way of life.

As we turn 40 and beyond, will we finally realize there is a bigger purpose than "Me?" Will we finally step up and take control of our lives, responsibility for our actions, and begin to lead? Our parents are ready to retire, turn over the reigns if you will. Are we going to take them, or are we simply going to continue to focus on ourselves, leaving our children the repsonsibility to lead because we chose "Me."

I hope my generation decides soon. I'd hate to wind up simply being a footnote of history, the "dash" that connected our parents to our children. Because our children are seeking an identity and many of them want to lead. I just hope we don't acquiesce, but let them know their time will come, but right now is our time to give back. We've taken so much, don't you think we need to leave a little for those who come behind?

Too Honest?

Kelly was telling me the other night about a client's son-in-law. It appears this son-in-law recently tried to find employment at a grocery store, but was turned down.

I'm not sure the store, the town, or the name of anyone involved, but I just had to tell the world about this.

It seems the interview process included several scenarios. Our doomed candidate was asked, "If a family member or friend were to come through your lane, would you bag some of their items without scanning them?"

His answer? "No."

Another question was, "If someone came through your line, but did not have enough money for the items they had chosen, would you let them go with all the items if they promised you they would return with the balance of the money?"

Not having fallen off the turnip truck the morning of the interview, our subject recognized the potential for a scam, and answered, "No."

At the end of the interview our applicant was told he would not be offered the job because he was too honest.

I wonder what our future holds if honest people can't even find gainful employment at the neighborhood grocery? Oh, I know: corporate barons who steal from the masses to line their own pockets. Hey wait, isn't that already our reality?

God is Suffering?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, in a 1943 letter to his sister Sabine, "It is good to learn early enough that suffering and God are not a contradiction but rather a unity, for this idea that God himself is suffering is one that has always been one of the most convincing teachings of Christianity. I think God is nearer to suffering than to happiness, and to find God in this way gives peace and rest and a strong and courageous heart."

I read those words last night in the book Death by Suburb: How to Keep the Suburbs from Killing Your Soul, written by David L. Goetz. It struck me like a kidney punch; I almost dropped the book.

God is suffering? I had to know more. Enter BibleGateway.com. I ran a search for suffering and found thirty (30) passages that combined suffer(ed) or suffer(ing) as it pertains to Jesus. But each of these passages were either prophesies or historical references to the suffering he must endure on the cross. I understand Jesus suffered on the cross, but does that mean he continues to suffer? Bonhoeffer used the present tense: "God himself is suffering." Is God still suffering today?

I had to find the scripture Bonhoeffer used to write these words. So I looked at other words that would show suffering in God. I chose to search wept, anguish and grieve (all searches were run using the New International Version).

Other than John 11:35 (Jesus wept ... Jesus crying at the grave of his friend Lazarus), Jesus was only recorded in the gospels as having wept one other time. Luke 19:41 records Jesus weeping over the city of Jerusalem as he is about to enter during his final days before the crucifixion. This chosen city of God, the center of His nation on earth, is about to crucify the God who has watched over her for centuries. This causes Jesus to weep in anguish. He has cared for this city and it will now crucify him. Jesus was in distress, but it appears to be tied to the crucifixion, not anything else. I still do not believe I have found scriptural justification for Bonhoeffer's ascertain.

The only use of anguish relating to God was Luke 22:44, where Jesus was in anguish as he prayed in the garden prior to his capture and eventual crucifixion. Again, this reference is tied to the crucifixion. I feel no closer to understanding Bonhoeffer's statement.

It wasn't until I searched grieve(d), that I was finally able to understand Bonhoeffer's statement. Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines grieve as: "to cause to suffer." Searching the New International Version I found eleven (11) references to God being grieved.

Genesis 6:6-7 - God is grieved (caused to suffer) because he created man.

I Samuel 15:11, 35 - God is grieved (caused to suffer) because he appointed Saul king of Israel.

II Samuel 24:16 and I Chronicles 21:15 - God is grieved (caused to suffer) as He doles out punishment on David and all of Israel for David's sin in conducting a census. God causes the punishment to end as a result of His grief.

Psalm 78:40 - the psalmist is talking about how frequently God was grieved (caused to suffer) by the Israelites as they wandered in the desert after leaving Egypt.

Isaiah 63:10 - God is grieved (caused to suffer) each time His people rebelled.

Jeremiah 42:10 - God is grieved (caused to suffer) because His people are suffering under the hands of Babylon. God promises to "build you up and not tear you down."

Ezekiel 6:9 - God is grieved (caused to suffer) because of the adulterous heart of His nation.

Ephesians 4:30 - The only New Testament scripture: "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit."

How do we grieve the Holy Spirit? By straying from His teachings; going our own adulterous ways. So Dietrich Bonhoeffer was right, God is suffering. He suffers each time we sin. And because I know myself, God truly is suffering a whole lot more than He is happy as he looks at me.

Thankfully I have Psalm 103:12, Hebrews 10:12, and I John 1:9 to assure me that God forgives and the price for my sin is paid in full. While God is grieved (suffering) when I sin, He has forgiven me of my sin and provided for me eternal salvation. Thank you Jesus for suffering on my behalf so that God does not have to eternally suffer over my sin.

Movie Clip, Motiviational Story, Life Application

It seems to me the nondenominational church I attend has become stuck in a "movie clip, motivational story, life application" rut. Each weekend as I attend I can be assured a movie clip of some sort (recent choices have been Spiderman III and The Bucket List) an inspirational story as part of the sermon (someone struggling with cancer who continues to place God first in their life ... focusing on living, not dying), and a life application section where I'm given a few points to help me improve my life.

Please understand, I don't believe my church has strayed from the gospel message. They continue to have weekends where people's lives are changed from all accounts, yet I feel I've gone back in time. There was a joke in the late 1970's, early 1980's that a good Baptist Seminary taught a great sermon consisted of three points and a joke. I guess the updated version for the twenty-first century is movie clip, motivational story, and a life application.

I wonder what the Desert Fathers would think of this approach. These people wandered into the desert of Egypt in the third century to escape persecution. They remained in the desert after the persecution ended under Constantine I because they had found God.

True, Jesus told us to "go and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19), so maybe the hermit approach of the Desert Fathers is not the best approach, but is trying to find God in a Hollywood movie a better alternative?

Consider Romans 12:1-2: "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." (The Message)

How does placing Hollywood front and center in each service measure against "don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking?" Doesn't placing Hollywood in a service demonstrate we have become so adjusted to twenty-first century living it doesn't faze us to place the world right in the middle of church?

I understand people coming through the doors of the modern church are looking for a bridge. I understand that in order to reach the world, you have to attract the world. But where is the line crossed between going to the world and becoming the world? Where does the pursuit of God get so muddied with our use of worldly images, those seeking don't see God anymore?

Jesus himself taught us to "seek first the kingdom of God" (Matthew 6:33). Jesus was talking about worry in this passage, but I believe that if we truly seek God's kingdom, not only will clothing and food be provided, but spiritual life as well. I simply can't believe that watching Spiderman helps me seek God.

I think the best modern example of seeking the kingdom of God was provided by Donald Miller in his book Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road*:

I’ve learned, too, that I don’t really know very much about anything. I mean, I used to have all these theories about life. I thought I had everybody figured out, even God, but I don’t. I think the woods, being away from all the clingy soot of commercialism, have taught me life is enormous, and I am very tiny in the middle of it. I feel, at times, like a droplet of water in a raging river. I know for a fact that as a grain of sand compares in size to the earth itself, I compare in size to the cosmos. I am that insignificant. And yet the chemicals in my brain that make me feel beauty when I look up at the stars, when I watch the sunset, indicate I must be here for a reason. I think I would sum it up this way: life is not a story about me, but it is being told to me, and I can be glad of that. I think that is the why of life and, in fact, the why of this ancient faith I am caught up in: to enjoy God. The stars were created to dazzle us, like a love letter; light itself is just a metaphor, something that exists outside of time, made up of what seems like nothing, infinite in its power, something that can be experienced but not understood, like God. Relationships between men and women indicate something of the nature of God—that He is relational, that He feels love and loss. It’s all metaphor, and the story is about us; it’s about all of us who God made, and God Himself, just enjoying each other. It strikes me how far the commercials are from this reality, how deadly they are, perhaps. Months ago I would have told you life was about doing, about jumping through religious hoops, about impressing other people, and my actions would have told you this is done by buying possessions or keeping a good image or going to church. I don’t believe that anymore. I think we are supposed to stand in deserts and marvel at how the sun rises. I think we are supposed to love our friends and introduce people to the story, to the peaceful, calming why of life. I think life is spirituality.

If I could, if it would be responsible, I would live in these woods forever: I would let my beard grow, hunt my own food, chart the stars, and write poems about mountains. But I know these days are passing. This morning I made a call to Colorado, and the camp out there offered me a job. I will be leaving Oregon in a week, leaving behind Paul, Henry, and the boys. Leaving behind the meadow. I start wondering if, when I leave this place, when I leave all these guys who don’t share my faith, when I leave these militant women always complaining about men, when I leave the starlight above the mountains, if I will go back to my old faith habits, jumping through hoops, trying to please God or, worse, subscribing to self-help formulas and calling it faith. I hope not. I hope I never lose this perspective. Walking through the meadow on the way over to see Paul, I promise myself if I ever get frustrated with life again, if I ever get into river-deep debt, I will sell it all and move out into the woods, find some people who aren’t like me and learn to love them, and do something even harder, let them love me, receive the love of somebody who doesn’t share my faith system, who doesn’t agree with me about everything, and I will sleep beneath the stars and whisper thank you to the Creator of the universe, as a way of reacquainting myself to an old friend, a friend who says you don’t have to be smart or good-looking or religious or anything; you just have to cling to Him, love Him, need Him, listen to His story.

So go, find your group of people to learn to love, and hope they learn to love you in return. Share the story with them, let them understand life is spirituality. Help heal the pains and hurts of people who have been turned off by commercialism, especially commercialism in Christianity. Let them understand the beauty of God, the purpose of man, is relationships. Jesus came to restore our relationship with God so we can enjoy Him again. I don't think Hollywood will ever be able to show me that.

*Donald Miller: Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, TN, 2005, pp. 244-246